India centric anagrams.......

Anagram for india....

"Aid in.

Rearranging "The American Indian" gives

I am an ancient Red. Hi!"

Rearranging the letters of 'The Indian Ocean' gives:
Had no innate ice.

Rearranging the letters of 'Indian Institute of Technology' gives:

a) "Not functioning toadyish elite!"
b) "Go on! Test fancy tuition in Delhi."
c) "young, fit athletes, in condition!"
d) "The nice tuition. Glad of it, sonny?"

Rearranging the letters of 'India Today' (India's number one English weekly) gives:

"Do it in a day."

Rearranging the letters of 'Delhi University' gives:

"Hint: I survey idle."

Rearranging the letters of 'The Times of India' (India's leading English Daily) gives:

a) "Oh, niftiest media!"
b) "Edit fashion item."

Rearranging the letters of 'The Private Sector' gives: five anagrams....

Spot that Receiver!
Stop that Receiver
Ethics to a pervert.
Over-set that price!
The creative sport.
Receptive to trash.

Rearranging the letters of 'Taj Mahal, Agra, India.' gives:

A maharaja; glad in it.


Rearranging the letters of 'Ranbaxy' (Leading Pharmaceutical Giant) gives:

Ban X-ray.

Thanks and cheers vasan...

நான் இனி மெல்லச் சாவேன் !!

1980
ஆனாலும் பழம் பாடல்கள், செய்யுள்கள் மற்றும் இலக்கணங்களால் தமிழ் வகுப்பு போரடிக்க ஆரம்பித்தது. நேர் மா, புளி மா, அடை மா எல்லாம் வந்து என் சின்னப் புத்திக்கு எட்டாமல் போகவே இலக்கணத்தில் சூன்யம்.
சில பாடல்கள் சுவரசியமாக இருக்கும். “தத்தா ! நமர்!” இடம் சுட்டிப் பொருள் கூறு என்பதற்கு நல்ல இட்டு கட்டி பாஸ் மார்க் வாங்கி விடுவேன். தமிழில் மார்க் கம்மியானால் கண்டுக்க மாட்டார்கள். “போட மாட்டாங்கப்பா ! “ என்பார்கள் பெரியோர். “இட்டார் பெரியோர் ! இடாதார் இழிகுலத்தோர்” என்ற பாடல் மட்டும் மனதில் அரித்து தமிழ் வாத்தியார்களை வெறுக்க வைத்தது. மதிப்பெண் வாங்காதது இலக்கணம் சரியாகப் அறியாததால். இப்போதும் அடியேன் அறிகிலேன் !
ஆங்கிலத்தில் அப்போது “ஜெரண்ட்”, “ரென் அண்ட் மார்ட்டின்” இலக்கணப் புத்தகத்தையெல்லாம் கரைத்துக் குடித்தேன் !
தமிழ் உரைநடைப் பகுதி சில நன்றாக இருக்கும். பெரியாரைப் பற்றி இருக்கும். அண்ணாவைப் பற்றி இருக்கும். பல சுவாரசியமில்லாததாக இருக்கும். காந்தியை பற்றி இருக்கும். சத்திய சோதனை படித்ததாக ஞாபகம். அடுத்த நாளே பொய் சொன்னதாகவும் ஞாபகம் !
வீட்டில் தமிழ்வாணனின் கல்கண்டு வரும். அதில் தமிழ்வாணனின் சங்கர்லால் தமிழைப் புதுமையாகப் பேசுவார். ஜேம்ஸ் பாண்ட் போன்று வரும் அவருக்கும், அவரின் நடை, உடை, பாவனைகள் அனைத்தும் மிக நாகரிகமாகவே இருக்கும். நான் “மாடர்னா” க உணர்ந்தேன். அதற்கும் ஆங்கிலத்திற்கும் சம்பந்தமில்லை என்று கண்டுபிடித்தேன். டா (தேநீர்!) நிறையக் குடிக்க ஆரம்பித்தேன், சங்கர்லாலைப் போன்று! ஒரு மாது (என் அம்மா தான்!) தான் கொடுப்பாள் (ன் ?).
(தமிழ்வாணன் கதைகளில் மாது என்பது சங்கர்லாலின் வேலைக்காரன் !)
1984
பிறகு தேவனின் எழுத்துக்கள், கல்கியின் எழுத்துக்கள் ஆர்வத்தினைத் தூண்ட, அப்பா மூலம் சாண்டில்யனின் வேக, விவேகமான சினிமா போன்ற மயக்க எழுத்துக்களைப் படிக்க ஆரம்பித்தேன். வரலாறை வேறு விதமாகக் காண்பித்த தன்மை எனக்குப் பிடித்திருந்தது. சாண்டில்யனின் மோகக் காட்சிகளும், லதாவின் ஓவியங்களும் என்னைக் கவர ஆரம்பித்தன (வேறு காரணங்களுக்காக). பெண்களின் உடல் சம்பந்தப்பட்ட தமிழறிவு கொழுந்து விட்டெறிய ஆரம்பித்தது !
இளவரசிகளுடன் பல்வேறு கற்பனைக் காட்சிகள்!
1986
போதும் இதெல்லாம் படித்தது என்று வீட்டில் தடா “தடா”லென்று விழுந்தது. உருப்பட வழி பாரு” அம்மா சொன்னாள்.
கணிதம், பூகோள, அறிவியல் அனைத்தும் ஆங்கிலத்தைச் சுற்றவே ஆர்கானிக் கெமிஸ்ட்ரி, இனார்கானிக், மெக்கானிக்கல், எலக்ட்ரிக்கல் என்று பல்வேறு அமிலங்களை மனதும், அறிவும் செறிக்க ஆரம்பித்தது.
பொழுது போக்குத் தமிழ் ரேடியோ மூலமாகப் பாடல்கள் மூலம் மட்டும் அவ்வப்போது காதில் எட்டும். சென்னைத் தொலைக்காட்சியில் “உழைப்பவர் உலகம்”, “வயலும் வாழ்வும்” பார்த்துத் தமிழை மறக்க முயற்சி செய்தேன். முடியவில்லை ! விடாமல் துரத்தியது. ரஜினிகாந்தும் தமிழைக் கெடுக்க “நெரய” முயற்சி செய்தார். முடியலை! ஜாக்கி சான் வந்து தமிழ் பேசியதால், எனக்கு தமிழறிவு மேலும் அதிகரித்தது.
தமிழ் பக்கம் அறவே போகவில்லை. போக பைத்தியமா என்ன ?. புள்ளியியல் தமிழில் படிக்க மறுத்தேன். 6 எழுத்துக்களை எழுதவே கடினமாக இருந்தது. Statistics என்று சுலபமாக 10 எழுத்துக்களைவைத்து எழுதி படித்தேன்.
“ ?ிந்தி கத்துக்கடா !” பம்பாயில வேலை கிடைத்தால் என்ன பண்ணுவே ? என்று அம்மா தள்ள, அழகிய பெண்களைச் சந்தித்து பேசுவதற்காக ?ிந்தி வகுப்பு செல்ல ஆரம்பித்தேன்.
தமிழறிஞர் ஒருவர் ?ிந்தியைத் தமிழைப் போன்று உச்சரித்து சொல்லித் தொலைத்தார்.
இரு வழியாகத் “தந்தி ( தமிழ் + ?ிந்தி!) மொழி” படித்தேன்.
1990
இந்தப் பெண்கள் வேறு தமிழ் பேசினால் முகத்தைத் திருப்புவதில்லை. ஆங்கிலத்தில் கலாய்த்தால், திரும்பிப் பார்க்க ஒரு காரணமாக இருக்கும். பீட்டர் தான் நமக்கு சொந்தம்.
திருவள்ளுவரை வயசான பிறகு பார்க்கலாம் என்று தமிழை மூட்டைக் கட்டி பரண் மேல் நாடி ஜோதிட ஓலைச் சுவடியாகப் போட்டு விட முடிவெடுத்தேன். நிறைய “பீட்டர்” (ஆங்கிலம் பேசுவது தான் சென்னைத் தமிழ் மொழியில்!) விட காதல், கலவி, குழந்தைகள் வந்த பிறகு . . .

“ம்ம்ம்ம் அப்பா சொல்லு !”
“டாடி”
“அம்மா சொல்லு”
“மம்மி”
“உன் பேர் சொல்லு ?”
குழந்தை பேந்தவாக முழிக்க, “பாரு உன் குழந்தைக்குத் தமிழ் வர மாட்டேங்குது !”
“வாட் இஸ் யுர் நேம் ?”
பளிச்சென்று வந்தது பதில்.

“டான் பிரவுன் ஒரு நல்ல எழுத்தாளர் தான்! டாவின்சி கோட் படித்திருக்கிறாயா ?”
“இல்லை. நான் படித்ததில்லை “.
“நிறையப் படிக்கணும். அப்பதான் மற்றவங்க என்ன சொல்றாங்க என்று தெரிய வரும்”
“சினிமா நடிகைகள் ஏர்போர்ட்டில் அது தான் கையில் வைத்திருப்பார்கள். ஏன் நம்ம வெளிநாட்டுக்குப் போகும் நம் தங்கங்களும் அது தான் படிக்கும். ஏர்போர்ட்டில் கையில் பொன்னியின் செல்வன் வைத்திருந்தால் ஒரு மாதிரி இருக்கும்.”
“கல்கியின் பொன்னியின் செல்வன் படித்திருக்கிறாயா ?”
“இல்லை”
“ஸிட்னி ஷெல்டான் ? “
“ஓ யெஸ் !”
“ஜெயகாந்தன் ?”
“யாரு ?”
“ஜான் கிரிஷாம் ?”
“ஓ ! பிரமாதமாய் வக்கீல்களை வைத்து கதை எழுதுவாரே ?”
“தேவனின் ஜஸ்டிஸ் ஜெகன்னாதன் படிச்சிருக்கியா ?”
“கேள்வியே பட்டதில்லை !”
“நிறையப் படிக்கணும். அப்பதான் மற்றவங்க என்ன சொல்றாங்க என்று தெரிய வரும். யார் எழுதியது என்று பார்க்காமல் எல்லாவற்றையும் படிக்கணும். அப்ப தான் யார் என்ன எப்படி சொல்ல வர்றாங்க என்று சொல்லணும். இல்லையென்றால் ஒரு சாரார் எழுதுவது மட்டும் எஞ்சி நின்று அது மட்டும் தான் உண்மை என்று மடத்தனமான அறிவு வளரும்”.
“அவங்க யாரென்று தெரியாதே ?”
“படிக்க முயற்சி பண்ணாமல் ஒருவருடன் பேசாமல், அவர் எழுதியது படிக்காமல் எப்படி அவர்களைப் பற்றித் தெரியும் ?”
“டைம் இல்லை !”
“டைம் இல்லை என்று சொல்லாதே ! ?ாரி பாட்டர் கியூவில் நின்று வாங்க வில்லை ? என்னிக்காவது தேடி வாண்டு மாமா எழுதியது போய் வாங்கிப் படித்திருக்கிறாயா ?”
“நம்மவங்க அதிகம் எழுதறதைப் பார்க்கலை !”
“புத்தகக் கண்காட்சி ஆர்ட்ஸ் காலேஜில் வந்த போது போகாமல் நீ பீர் குடிக்க பார் தானே சென்றாய் ?”
“சும்மா, ஜாலிக்குப் போனேன் ! “
“புத்தகம் படிப்பதும் சும்மா ஜாலிதான் ! படிச்சு பாரு !”
“படிச்சிருக்கேன் ! “மஜாவான” புத்தகம் படிப்பேன் !”
“அதில நீ கிராதகன் தான் ! நம்மவங்க சொல்றதை மஜா விஷயத்தையும் சேர்த்து, மற்றவங்க படிக்க வேண்டாமா ? நீ சொன்னதை, கல்கி சொன்னதை, புதுமைப்பித்தன் சொன்னது, ஜெயகாந்தன் சொன்னது, திஜா சொன்னது என்னவென்று மற்றவர்களுக்குத் தெரிய வேண்டாம் ?. அதுக்கு நாமெல்லாம் ஆங்கிலத்தில் எழுதணும்.”
“காம சூத்ராவிற்குப் பின்பு (அதுவே சமஸ்கிருதம் மூலம்!) ஒரு நல்ல புத்தகம் தமிழில் வரவேயில்லை. நான் எழுதட்டுமா ?”
“சரி ! எழுது! தமிழ் தெரியுமா ?”
“அந்த மாதிரி விஷயத்தில் எனக்கு நிறைய பரிச்சயம்”
“அப்ப கவலை விடு. செளகரியம்!”
“ரெளவுலிங் ?ாரி பாட்டரில் பிளந்து கட்டுறாராமே ?. வா கியூவில் நின்று வாங்கலாம். வீட்டுக்கு வந்தா ஒரு “காப்பி” யோடு வான்னு மகன் சொல்லிட்டான்”
“ஏன் கோகுலம் வாங்கித் தரமாட்டாயா ?”
“உன்னைக் கேட்டேன் பார் !”
வீட்டிற்குப் போய் குழந்தையிடம், “என்ன படிக்கிறாய் ?”
பேந்தாவாக முழித்தது குழந்தை.
“விச் ?ாரி பாட்டர் புக் ஆர் யூ ஸ்டடியிங் ?”
“புக் நம்பர்! 5 ! இட் இஸ் மார்வெலஸ்”.
“வீட்ல அம்மா என்ன சமைத்தாள் ?”
“பொட்டேடோ கறி !”
“உருளையா ?”
“ம்ம்ம் ?”
பேந்தாவாக முழித்தது குழந்தை.
இவன் தமிழ் பேசுவானா ? என்று மனைவியிடம் கேக்க “பேசுவானாத் தெரியலையே ? என்ன பண்ணலாம்” என்று அபத்தமாகப் பதில் வந்தது.
2020
குழந்தை பெரியவனாது.
அவளைப் பார்த்தது.
“ஆர் யூ டமிலியன் ?”. “டு யூ நோ டமில் ?” “நோ ! மை பேரண்ட்ஸ் அண்ட் கிராண்ட்மா யூஸ்ட் டு ஸ்பீக்!”
“கேன் யூ ஸ்பீக் டமில் ! ?”
“நோ !”
“ஒய் ?”
“பிகாஸ், ஐ டோன்ட் வாண்ட் டு ( எனக்குப் பிடிக்கலை !)”
சரி ! இரண்டும் ஒன்று தான் ! ரெண்டுங் கெட்டானகளாக இருக்கிறார்கள் ! திருமணம் பண்ணி வைப்போம் ! பண்ணி வைத்தேன் !
மீண்டும் கலவி, குழந்தைகள் . . . .பெருக்கம் முதலியன ஸ.
2040
“விச் புக் ஆர் யூ ஸ்டடியிங் ?”
“It is about “Death of Languages”. It is interesting to read “How several of them had to die!”.
“இங்கு நான் சாவக் கிடைக்கிறேன். இவங்க மொழியப் பற்றி பேசுகிறார்களே ?” என்று “லொக்! லொக்’ கென்று இருமினேன் .
“My dad is not feeling well. I have to give him something to read in his last days ! I can not read to him since I do not know how to read his South Asian lanaguage”.
“Dad, what do you want to read ?”.
“திருக்குறள்”.
“Mom ! What is Kural ?”
“கூகில் வெப்பில் செர்ச் பன்ணு ! (தேடு) ! வில் பி தேர் (அங்கு இருக்கும்) !”
கடைசி காலத்திற்கு நமக்கு வேண்டியது தான் என்று படிக்க முடிவெடுத்தேன் !
மெல்லச் சாவதென்று !!
----

Humor-office etiquete n ethics!!!!

Funny but true!..


1. Never walk without a document in your handsPeople with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the canteen. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carryloads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.


2. Use computers to look busyAny time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer.You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -and you *will* get caught- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training expenses.


3. Messy deskTop management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it lookslike we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your desk, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.


4. Voice MailNever answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you justbecause they want to give you something for nothing - they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there - it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.


5. Looking Impatient and AnnoyedAlways try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.


6. Leave the office late Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important emails at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays.


7. Creative Sighing for EffectSigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.


8. Stacking StrategyIt is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).


9. Build VocabularyRead up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses.Remember: They don't have to understand what you say, but you will sound impressive.


10. Have 2 JacketsIf you work in a big open plan office, always leave a spare jacket draped over the back of your seat. This gives the impression that you are still on the premises. The second jacket should be worn while swanning around elsewhere

11. MOST IMPORTANT:DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake

Humor-freedom at midhalf!!!

If You Love Someone

THE ORIGINAL QUOTE If you love someone, Set her free... If she comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, she never was....

THE NEW VERSIONS R.....

Pessimist: If you love someone, Set her free ... If she ever comes back, she's yours, If she doesn't, as expected, she never was

Optimist: If you love someone, Set her free ... Don't worry, she will come back.

Suspicious: If you love someone, Set her free ... If she ever comes back, ask her why.

Impatient: If you love someone, Set her free ... If she doesn't come back within some time forget her.

Patient: If you love someone, Set her free ... If she doesn't come back, continue to wait until she comes back ...

Playful If you love someone, Set her free ... If she comes back, and if you love her still, set her free again, repeat ....

C++ Programmer: if(you-love(m_she)) m_she.free() if(m_she == NULL) m_she = new CShe;

Animal-Rights Activist: If you love someone, Set her free, In fact, all living creatures deserve to be free!!

Lawyers: If you love someone, Set her free, Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the Second Amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Biologist : If you love someone, Set her free, She'll evolve.

Statisticians : If you love someone, Set her free, If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high If she doesn't, your relation was improbable anyway.

Schwarzenegger's fans: If you love someone, Set her free, SHE'LL BE BACK!

Over possessive person : If you love someone don't set her free.

MBA : If you love someone set her free instantaneously and look for others simultaneously

Psychologist : If you love someone set her free If she comes back her super ego is dominant If she doesn't come back her id is supreme If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.

Somnabulist : If you love someone set her free If she comes back it's a nightmare If she doesn't, you must be dreaming.

ERP functional expert : If you love someone set her free If she comes back, map her into your system If she doesn't, carry out a gap-fit analysis

Finance expert : If you love someone set her free If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.

Marketing Specialist : If you love someone set her free If she comes back she has brand loyalty If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new market.

Humor-traffic vows by a dutchman from baan,ne in benelux,he spent two years in hydrabad!!

For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival.. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.

Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the road? The answer is "both".

Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Simply trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rulesleads to much misery and occasional fatality.

Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position. Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts), or just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while a waiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting! for the rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.

Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.

Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi):

The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile. This three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions! with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.

Mopeds:

The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; theywould rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.

Leaning Tower of Passes:

Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.

One-way Street:

These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.

Lest I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house. This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left un tarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.

Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes.

Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than anaught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill.

Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat). Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just an statement of physical relief on a hot day.

If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone home and - The citizen is then free to enjoy the FREEDOM OF SPEED' enshrined in the constitution!!.

Howsit???

Homor-Annoying truth........

Subject: Barber & Asian Americans

There is this good ol' barber in some city in US. One day a Caucasian florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service." The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank you" card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. An African American cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a "Thank you" card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door. An Asian Software Engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber and barber replies; "I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a community service." The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there - A dozen Asians waiting for a free Haircut. Those of us who don't belong to that group can laugh and cry with me. Others of us may want to use this joke as a mirror. We can't think that the more freebies we can get from others, the better we will be. For example, our past tendency to let others fight for our battles has resulted in NO ONE FIGHTING FOR US AT ALL, not us ourselves and not even some of the AsAm politicians.

Laughing and crying at the same time,

Humor-four worms in a feast fete!!!!!

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the followingresults: The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke -Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -

What can you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service --

Humor-salary and cognizance!!!!!

Subject: Dilbert's Theorem on Salary & Management Guys.


This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following three postulates:


Postulate 1:Knowledge is Power (Knowledge=Power)


Postulate 2:Time is Money (Time=Money)


Postulate 3:(As every Engineer knows): Power =Work/TimeIt


therefore follows:Knowledge = Work / Time


and since Time = Money,


we have:Knowledge =Work / Money.


Solving for Money,


we get:Money = Work/Knowledge


Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity,


regardless of the amount of Work done.

HUMOR-before and after marriage!!!!

Before and After Marriage

BEFORE MARRIAGE

MAN : It was so hard to wait.

WOMAN : Do you want me to leave?

MAN : NO! Don't even think about it.

WOMAN : Do you love me?

MAN : Of course! Over and over!

WOMAN : Have you ever cheated on me?

MAN : NO! Why are you even asking?

WOMAN : Will you kiss me?

MAN : Every chance I get!

WOMAN : Will you hit me?

MAN : Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!

WOMAN : Can I trust you?
MAN : Yes.

WOMAN : Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE



READ FROM BOTTOM
TO TOP !!!!!!!!!!

Humor-selection process!!

New Hr paradigms!!

This is how every company should carryout their selection process. Mindyou,someday this method is bound to become a standard selection process for thenewprospective candidates. You don't believe me?!! OK then judge it foryourself.Go on, read the unique selection process.

SELECTION PROCESS

Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an openwindow.Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside. Leave themalone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyze the situation:

If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks -

PUT THEM IN THE ACCOUNTS DEPT.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks -

PUT THEM IN THE ENGG. DEPT

If they are arranging the bricks in some other order -

PUT THEM IN PLANNING

If they are throwing the bricks at each other

PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS

If they are sleeping

PUT THEM IN SECURITY

If they have broken the bricks into pieces

PUT THEM IN INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY

If they are staring out of the window

PUT THEM IN THE EXPORT CELL.

If they are sitting idle

PUT THEM IN HR

If they have thrown the bricks out of the window

PUT THEM IN STOCKS

If they are clinging onto the bricks

PUT THEM IN FINANCE

If they are talking to each other and not a brick has moved

PUT THEM IN TOP MANAGEMENT CELL.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick hasmoved

PUT THEM IN SALES

If they have already left for the day

PUT THEM IN MARKETING

tawdry gaudy management gurus!!!

Humor-GRE vs normal!!!!!

GRE Student vs Normal Person

*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Individuals who make their abodes in vitreous edifices wouldbe advised to refrain from catapulting perilous projectiles.

A NORMAL PERSON : People who live in glass houses should not throw stones

*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Scintillate, scintillate, asteroid minim.

NORMAL PERSON : Twinkle, twinkle, little star

*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT: All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not trulyauriferous.

NORMAL PERSON : All that glitters is not gold.

*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Sorting on the part of mendicants must be interdicted.

NORMAL PERSON : Beggars are not choosers

*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Male cadavers are incapable of rendering any testimony.

NORMAL PERSON : Dead men tell no tales

*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Neophyte's serendipity.

NORMAL PERSON : Beginner's luck

*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : A revolving lithic conglomerate accumulates no congeries ofsmall, green, biophytic plant.

NORMAL PERSON : A rolling stone gathers no moss

*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT: Members of an avian species of identical plumage tend tocongregate.

NORMAL PERSON : Birds of a feather flock together

*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

NORMAL PERSON : Beauty is only skin deep

*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous torectitude.

NORMAL PERSON : Cleanliness is godliness

*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to become lachrymose of precipitatelydeparted lactile fluid.

NORMAL PERSON : There's no use crying over spilt milk

*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuatedcanine with innovative maneuvers.

NORMAL PERSON : You can't try to teach an old dog new tricks

*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Surveillance should precede saltation.

NORMAL PERSON : Look before you leap

*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : The person presenting the ultimate cachinnation possessesthereby the optimal cachinnation.

NORMAL PERSON : He who laughs last, laughs best

*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Exclusive dedication to necessitous chores withoutinterludes of hedonistic diversion renders Jack a hebetudinous fellow.

NORMAL PERSON : All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

*******************************************************

GRE STUDENT : Where there are visible vapours having their provenance inignited carbonaceous materials, there is conflagration.

NORMAL PERSON : Where there's smoke, there's fire!

M etymology!!!!

Humor-munnabhai answers wisely here!!!!

Dear MBBS or doctor friends excuse.

Heres how Munnabhai MBBS the famous movie charectorgave answers at the MBBSEntrance test:

Antibody - against everyone

Artery - the study of fine paintings

Bacteria - back door entry to a cafeteria

Benign - what you be after you be eight

Bowel - letters like a,e,i,u

Caesarian section - a district in Rome'

Cardiology - advanced study of poker playing

Cat Scan - Searching for lost kitty

Chronic - neck of a crow

Coma - punctuation mark

Cortisone - area around the local court house

cyst - short for sister

Diagnosis - person with a slanted nose

Dilate - the late British princess

Dislocation - in this place

Duodenem - couple in jeans

Enema - not a friend

False labour - pretending to work

Genes - blue denim

groin - to mash to a pulp

hernea - she is close by

impotent - distinguished

labour pain - hurt at work

lactose - person without digit on the foot

liposuction - a french kiss

lymph - walk unsteadily

meanopause- i no wait

obesity - city of obe

pacemaker - winner of nobel peace proize

protien - in favour teens

pulse - grain

pus- a small catred

blood count - dracula

ultra sound- radical noise

urine - opposite of ur out

vericose - very close

mm enough later!!!

Humor-hinglish!!!!

Acknowledgement:- rediff.com

"Hinglish"-- a mixture of Hindi and English widely spoken in India---may soon become the most common form of the Queen's language according to a British expert.

Professor David Crystal the author of more than 50 books on English says 350 million Indians speak Hinglish as a second language exceeding the number of native English speakers in England and the United States.

Crystal argues the growing popularity of Indian culture,including Bollywood movies,means Hinglish will soon become more widely spoken outside the continent.

Hinglish words include:

Air dash travel by air
Chaddis underpants
Chai Indian tea
Crore Ten milllion
Dacoit thief
Desi local
Dicky boot
Gora white person
Jungli uncouth
Lakh 100,000
Optical spectacles
Prepone bring forward
Stepney Spare tyre
Would-be fiance or fiancee

humorism!!!-of corporates!!!!

Goofy gestalt effect

INFOSYS ism

You have a thousand poor cows. You put them on a nice campus, and sendthem one at a time to the US for milking.

WIPRO ism

GE has a cow. You take 49% of the milk.

DELL ism

Intel has a Goat. Samsung has a Camel. Buy milk from both and sell it As Cow's milk.

IBM ism

You have old stubborn cows. You sell them as pet dogs to unsuspectingsmall businessmen.

MICROSOFT ism

You have a cow. Force the world to buy milk from you. Spend a milliondollars to feed poorer cows.SUNismYou have a bull. It doesn't give milk. You hate Microsoft.

ORACLE ism

You have a cow. You don't know which side to milk, so you sell tools tohelp milk cows.SAPismYou don't have a cow. You sell milking solutions for cows implemented By milking consultants.

APPLE ism

You have a cow. You sell iMilk.

SONY ism

You have a cow. You spend 50 million dollars to develop the world's thinnest milk.

HP ism

You don't know if what you have is a cow. You sell complete milkingsolutions through Authorized Resellers only.

GEism

You have a donkey. People think you have a 100-year old cow. If someonefinds out, that's his imagination at work.

RELIANCEism

You don't yet have a cow. You sell empty cans to people for Rs. 501,because Dhirubhai wanted everyone to have milk.

CITIBANKism

Welcome to citibank. If you have a cow, press one. If you have a bull,press two... stay on the line if you would like our customer careofficer to milk it for you...

TATAism

You have a very old cow. You re-brand it as TATA Indicow.

swash buckled!!!!

vasan

Humor-womens favorite mail!!!!!

Brilliant......absolutely brilliant...............please readCheers


A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wifestayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:


"Dear Lord:I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays athome.I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switchwith mine for a day. Amen.God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.


The next morning,sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, Set outtheir school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, Drove themtoschool, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to thecleaners....And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went groceryshopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills andbalanced thecheckbook.


He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, dothe laundry,vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to theschool to pick up the kids! and got into an argument with them on the wayhome.Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do theirhomework,Then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did theironing.At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables forsalad,breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.



Aftersupper,he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathedthe kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though hisdaily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to makelove,which he managed to get through without complaint.



The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said,Lord,I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's beingable to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied,


"My son, I feel you have learnedyour lesson and I will be happy to change th! ings back to the way theywere.You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant lastnight.



"Voted : Women's Favorite Email

Humor-musings

The following quotes slipped out while laughing...'njoy

Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.

Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and theother is husband

I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but theywanted cash

A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms

Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without,,, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

You can't buy love . . . but you pay heavily for it

True friends stab you in the front

Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me

Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me

Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner

You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss

Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

Hey just hold it....Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk becausethey have to say something

and i'm a fool

Humor-HR amended!!!

The following r the HR Rules that will be taught in IIMs and will be followed in 2020.....

Dress Code : It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.

Sick Days We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

Toilet Use Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category". Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy!

Lunch Break Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast.

Humor- venus and martian diary!!!!!!

WIFE's DIARY


Sunday night - I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have some coffee. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.


Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong - he said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.


On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say, "I love u, too." When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant and absent.


Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed. I decided that I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.


HUSBAND's DIARY
Today Manchester United lost the match. DAMN IT..!!

Humor-calculative love deciphered!!!!

geek

Exponential love

My Dear Love,Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometriclane.There I saw you with your cute circular face, conical nose andspherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden.


Before seeing you, my heart was a null set, but when a vector ofmagnitude(likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of t radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated.


My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity.


You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of mylife revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun will be making an angle of 160 degrees with our horizon, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.


With loveFrom your high order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.


No summation required at all, after all money can't be a complex number with small iiiiii's.........


vasan

Humor-delete a word and u get a story!!!!

Ever noticed how deleting one word after the other in a sentencecan lead to a nice story? Here's an example:

Oh John please don't touch me at all...!!!!
Oh John please don't touch me at...!!!!
Oh John please don't touch...!!!!
Oh John please don't...!!!!
Oh John please...!!!!
Oh John..!!!!
Oh...... !!!!

to be contd............